It's been a while since I've updated. I've been sort of all over the place and didn't want to make another post until I found some focus. For some reason I don't seem to follow through with anything that I say I want to do.
Now is no exception.
I've been overwhelmed with stress and anxiety lately. I seem to fail at balancing work, school, writing and life, especially when something happens. Like in this case when my car starts failing on me while suffering financial difficulties.
But I finally "woke up" from my insanity of anxiety and depression thanks to a cognitive therapy book, and while I was studying it, I was hit with a big epiphany.
It's so big, I feel the need to share it. I thought this was the best way to do that.
So here I am.
This idea I came across is similar to something I learned from Tony Robbins's program, Personal Power 2 (the "Dickens Pattern") and something I remember hearing from the documentary "What The Bleep Do We Know?" about how theoretically we can remember the future (which I never really understood). This also probably comes from the saying "Live each day like its your last" and so on.
It all started when I started daydreaming how it would be if I could go back in time when I was in back in High School and mom was still alive. I still remember everything from now. I would imagine what I would say and do to all my classmates and what I'd say and do with my mom, knowing she'd be gone in a few years. How I would spend my time. How I'd focus more on my future. Etc.
I'm really good at daydreaming. I have a powerful imagination and very good at visualization. So this was quite entertaining.
Eventually, I stopped myself, telling myself I was wasting my time, that it's not possible, that the past is gone and I must focus on the present.
But then I kept drifting back to that alluring daydream and I wondered how cool it would be if I could go back in time.
Then the idea hit me like a ton of bricks.
The scenario I imagined of what I would say and do if I could go back in time felt the exact same as if I was remembering an event that actually happened in the past.
So, if it was the same...then maybe I can trick myself into thinking I actually DID go back in time...by "remembering" an imagined future. Because the past and future don't really exist. Or rather, we only experience those things in our minds.
So why can't we imagine made up pasts or future events?
I just imagine the absolute worst happened. Everything I've ever dreaded, all the source of all my anxiety, actually happened. I flunked out of school. My younger brother got into drugs and died. My older brother cut all ties with me. I became bankrupt or am still working at fast food. I became fat, ugly and I accomplished none of my dreams. I live in an abandoned ruin with no water or light.
And I end it with getting cancer and dying in agony by myself with no one caring.
Then I imagine that I woke up and I am sitting exactly where I am. That somehow I was transported back in time to that exact moment.
Knowing what I know now, knowing what "will" happen if I don't get my life in shape or keep taking the things I have for granted, I can now right all those wrongs because I have "traveled through time."
My mood jumped through the roof. My little brother wasn't annoying anymore. I felt so goddamn grateful. And more importantly, I lost all anxiety. I had no time to be depressed or anxious when life was so damn good at this glorious time.
I thought this was amazing. I MUST use this. And I felt like I should share it.
So here's me sharing.
There ya go.
*shares with the Internet*