Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Why I Can't Give Up My Writing Dream

I had a very interesting dream last night.

I met a psychologist/therapist person who basically asked me of my problems and what I was afraid of, etc. I told him of my experiences with the military and something about how I hated to do tests and they made me do tests I didn't want to do. (I guess this could be interpreted as simply they told me to do things I had no interest or desire to do).

Then I told him about my goal to be a full time writer. This is the most important part of the dream.

He told me that I should do it only as a hobby, that he didn't see me achieving this goal because I didn't have a good enough reason or I simply didn't have it in me to do it. That I just wasn't a writer.

I got really emotional and kept telling him lots of reasons of why, not that I could, HAD to do it. One of them was that even if I did something else for a living, I would still make up stories, they were a part of who I was. I love them that much. I'd create them for free.

But the best reason was the reason I gave him right before I woke up to my 6:00am alarm.

I said, very passionate at this point, that if I could do achieve this goal, that even if the small possibility existed that I could overcome my weaknesses, overcome my anxieties, my flaws, eliminate all my bad habits, if I could change and actually make it happen, then it would be worth it and be a goddamn shame if I gave up this opportunity for real personal growth.

Or something like that. I think it was better said in the dream. Basically the idea of how it would positively change my life was so great that it was worth it even if it would be difficult or near impossible. The benefit of overcoming all these personal obstacles was greater than even the pleasure of writing and that was the reason I should never give up on it.

It would be a real achievement and a statement on what I can do and what was possible.

As I pulled myself out of bed after this very enlightening dream, two phrases or affirmations came to mind that I plan on repeating to myself often.

"If everything in life was easy, nothing would be fun."

"Discomfort and pain are a part of life, so embrace both."

And that pretty much sets the tone for this glorious day.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

How to Travel Back in Time and use it to change your life.

It's been a while since I've updated. I've been sort of all over the place and didn't want to make another post until I found some focus. For some reason I don't seem to follow through with anything that I say I want to do.

Now is no exception.

I've been overwhelmed with stress and anxiety lately. I seem to fail at balancing work, school, writing and life, especially when something happens. Like in this case when my car starts failing on me while suffering financial difficulties.

But I finally "woke up" from my insanity of anxiety and depression thanks to a cognitive therapy book, and while I was studying it, I was hit with a big epiphany.

It's so big, I feel the need to share it. I thought this was the best way to do that.

So here I am.

This idea I came across is similar to something I learned from Tony Robbins's program, Personal Power 2 (the "Dickens Pattern") and something I remember hearing from the documentary "What The Bleep Do We Know?" about how theoretically we can remember the future (which I never really understood). This also probably comes from the saying "Live each day like its your last" and so on.

It all started when I started daydreaming how it would be if I could go back in time when I was in back in High School and mom was still alive. I still remember everything from now. I would imagine what I would say and do to all my classmates and what I'd say and do with my mom, knowing she'd be gone in a few years. How I would spend my time. How I'd focus more on my future. Etc.

I'm really good at daydreaming. I have a powerful imagination and very good at visualization. So this was quite entertaining.

Eventually, I stopped myself, telling myself I was wasting my time, that it's not possible, that the past is gone and I must focus on the present.

But then I kept drifting back to that alluring daydream and I wondered how cool it would be if I could go back in time.

Then the idea hit me like a ton of bricks.

The scenario I imagined of what I would say and do if I could go back in time felt the exact same as if I was remembering an event that actually happened in the past.

So, if it was the same...then maybe I can trick myself into thinking I actually DID go back in time...by "remembering" an imagined future. Because the past and future don't really exist. Or rather, we only experience those things in our minds.

So why can't we imagine made up pasts or future events?

I just imagine the absolute worst happened. Everything I've ever dreaded, all the source of all my anxiety, actually happened. I flunked out of school. My younger brother got into drugs and died. My older brother cut all ties with me. I became bankrupt or am still working at fast food. I became fat, ugly and I accomplished none of my dreams. I live in an abandoned ruin with no water or light.

And I end it with getting cancer and dying in agony by myself with no one caring.

Then I imagine that I woke up and I am sitting exactly where I am. That somehow I was transported back in time to that exact moment.

Knowing what I know now, knowing what "will" happen if I don't get my life in shape or keep taking the things I have for granted, I can now right all those wrongs because I have "traveled through time."

My mood jumped through the roof. My little brother wasn't annoying anymore. I felt so goddamn grateful. And more importantly, I lost all anxiety. I had no time to be depressed or anxious when life was so damn good at this glorious time.

I thought this was amazing. I MUST use this. And I felt like I should share it.

So here's me sharing.

There ya go.

*shares with the Internet*